"This... [record] is... [really really rad and] we give it two thumbs... [up]."

-Siskel and Ebert

"Morality dictates [that you buy the new unplesants single!]"

-Karl from Earth Crisis

"One small step for a man, ...[seven] giant [inches of ever-lovin' punk rock vinyl]... for mankind."

-Neil Armstrong, astronaut

"This record fuckin' [doesn't] sucks!"

-local zine review

"Isolation and simplification of a literary historical object is admittedly achieved in an exceedingly sublime process. [I love the unplesants new seven inch.]"

-Leo Lowenthal, noted sociologist

"Bam bam ba-bam ba-bam bam ba-bam i wanna be... [the proud owner of the new unplesants seven inch]."

-The Ramones

"Two days ago I had no friends, no job, and no social prospects. Since i got... [the seven inch] I've achieved spiritual enlightenment, devised a revolutionary new method for fairly distributing goods and resources, and my love life is in tip-top shape because my chronic halitosis is completely gone! I owe it all to [the unplesants]... and [their great new seven inch.]"

-Jim Withington, student

"I strongly recommend you take two [listens to the unplesants']...therapeutic ...[new record] and call me in the morning."

-Dr. Joseph Nicholson, MD

"[The Unplesants] am the way, the truth, and the light.

-Jesus Christ